Where is our place in the paradox of
privilege? We call ourselves Christian, we preach of a love that heals and
elevates our nature— but we live luxurious lives bound up in material idolatry.
I’m constantly crushed between the tension of Christ and culture— what’s right
and what’s possible. I recognize my inability to love fully and the sins that
limit my potential. I also see within myself a fire and a yearning like none
other to live truthfully and radically. I often feel like I’m a stranger on a
campus where everyone thinks about their future, because I think more about the
future of the world itself. I can’t point fingers or place blame, nor do I want
to. What I want, and need, is a call. A call to sell everything and follow
Jesus. A call to lay down my life for the sake of another. A call to leave this
place of privilege, materialism, and entitlement. A call that is so compelling
and meaningful that I can’t resist following it. I’m drowning in a sea of
responsibility for the injustice of my nation, my religion, my culture, my
generation, and my own soul. I want to do what’s meaningful and right with my
mind, my time, my talents, and my passion— but where do I find it?
So often when I pose these questions I
am met with responses that are watered down and unsatisfying— 'you can’t save
the whole world, so choose one thing and do it well.' That answer paralyzes me
because I have no authority to choose which thing deserves to be done above
another. Even when I look to adults in my life that I admire, I’m not sure I’d
be okay with the lives they’re living, because they’re still bound up in
materialism and systematic injustice. Honestly, I can’t imagine a world where
we aren’t all bound up in it. I don’t judge, because I feel my own limitations
so fully, but I wonder if we should be doing more. If we should be aspiring to
more meaningful, life-giving ends. If we should somehow find the strength the
break away from a culture that worships celebrities, feeds loneliness with
consumerism, trusts no one, condemns other ethnicities, sees women as objects
for sexual pleasure, and believes more faithfully in the barrel of a gun than
the political system in power. What scares me more than the horrific culture
we’re all submerged in, is the apathy so many people have toward it. If we
don’t deeply care about another human’s right to live safely and freely,
regardless of their race, gender, background, religion, or nationality, what do
we care about? I hope with my whole soul that I’m not alone in this questioning
and struggling. I hope that I won’t ever be convinced that I care too much, no
matter how often I hear it.
People often say that at the end of
our lives we won’t care about how much money we made, how successful we were,
or how many superficial things we crossed of our bucket lists— it’ll all be
about the relationships we’ve had and ways we’ve bettered the world. I want to
have that realization every single day of my life, not just the day I die. Do
you?
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