Inked.

Let me start this post by admitting that I love tattoos. I think they can be a beautiful expression of a life story when they are well thought-out and artistic. I'm not a proponent of getting a tattoo just for the sake of having one, but obviously I think they can be done right! I have two tattoos now, and I'm very fond of them both because they mean so much to me. I didn't ask permission for either of them, because they're on my body, and represent something only I can fully understand. (Sorry mom J)

I always get questions about my tattoos, so I thought I'd share my inspiration for the newest one here. My roommate and very dear friend, Mackenzie, designed this cross for me. That, in and of itself, has so much meaning to it. Mackenzie has supported me and lifted me up in some very difficult times. She's seen my struggles and weaknesses, but continues to love me anyway. I wouldn't have asked anyone else to design this for me! When we started talking about what I wanted several months ago, I explained what I was looking for and let her creativity do the rest. 

My life has been a roller coaster of sadness and joy, defeat and triumph. I've lost people very close to me with no understanding of why. I had a hole in my heart from a young age when my dad was deployed. I've been so lost and hopeless that I turned to people who simply took advantage of my brokenness and hurt me further.  I turned to men, alcohol, partying, self-harm, anorexia, and attempted suicide to cope with the darkness I saw and felt within my soul. Luckily, the Lord found me amidst me suffering, and I gave my heart up to Him in desperation. God brought people into my life that I could trust and lean on in times of hardship and doubt. God is still teaching me how to love myself, but that battle never really ends. Now that I'm flourishing in college, I'm constantly amazed that all of the suffering I inflicted upon myself and faced from others has inspired incredible growth. God has recycled the sadness in my life, and brought joy forth. I've been able to support others through their battles in a special way. I've learned to depend on God for fulfillment. I've learned to be vulnerable and honest, because love isn't real without it. My life is rich and full because I let God heal me and teach me. The cross Mackenzie designed is very sharp and harsh-- the lines are dark and the edges hard. I wanted this to represent the hardship and pain of my suffering, and the immense suffering Jesus endured on the cross. Intertwined with the cross is a vine that sprouts into flowers; I wanted this to represent the vulnerability, beauty, life, and growth that God brought forth from my suffering. It also shows that Jesus' sacrifice made life possible for humanity. My life will never be devoid of hardship, but if I keep God as my focus, I will continue to grow and find new life. Every step I take, I'll see my tattoo and be reminded of that beautiful truth.