Contrary to everything you may have
heard about your twenties, these aren’t the years to be selfish. I’ve heard over
and over that your college years and the decade after college are supposed to
be focused on nothing but YOU. “Travel the world, party with friends, cross
things off your bucket list, and do everything EXCEPT get attached to anyone.
Remember, this time is all about you—you’re allowed to be selfish.”
To be brutally honest, I think this is
a ridiculous façade of a generation that doesn’t know how to love. I’m an
advocate for growing as a person, I think it’s absolutely crucial that we use
our twenties to become independent and mature. I think it’s important that we
follow our own paths, rather than paths that others push us to pursue. However,
that’s very different than being selfish. When we see our twenties as a time to
focus only on ourselves, not only do we set horrible habits for our adult
lives, but we wreck opportunities for life-giving, meaningful relationships. We
don’t learn how to be supportive friends that stick around at life’s hardest
moments, we don’t learn when to put other’s needs before our own, and we don’t
consider our part in greater communities. I don’t know about you, but I don’t
want to cheat myself out of valuable life experiences like that.
Our world is becoming increasingly
personalized; social media is tailored to each person’s interests and allows us
to pick and choose what we see and what we don’t. When a huge portion of our
population receives all of its news from social media, we’re in danger of
limiting our understanding of the world. This is a time when we should be
having crazy, fun experiences, but it’s also a time where we should be learning
about our place in the world. Where do we fit into the bigger picture if we
only focus on our own desires? Who will we help? What will we do to solve our
nation’s gravest dilemmas? Our world’s?
This year I’ve come to recognize that
selfishness is one of the most disgusting qualities of college students. I’ve
had friends turn away from me in times of need because they didn’t want to be
burdened by my troubles in their times of joy. I’ve had people tell me that it
should go without saying that they appreciate me—they shouldn’t have to make
time for me, or show gestures of affection, I should just know. I’ve seen men take what they want from women without regard for
their emotions or wishes. Sexual assault is a devastating problem on my campus
that became very real to me this past weekend at a party. My friend was backed
into a corner, grabbed, kissed, and pushed around by guys that didn’t even ask
her name—much less ask permission to do any of those things. A culture of
sexual assault is a culture where personal satisfaction is seen as more
important than respect for others—selfishness at its core. Maybe it’s a part of
being young, maybe it’s our generation, but I’m deeply dissatisfied with the
culture of selfishness that I’ve come to know.
While your twenties should be a time
of excitement, adventure, learning, and growth, those experiences are meant to
be shared. It’s a time of incredible opportunity to develop life-long
friendships that are based on mutual support. This is a time where we learn to
not only take care of ourselves, but take care of our friends when they need
it. Life’s greatest lessons are learned through relationship with others.
Life’s joys are greatest when shared. While it’s tempting to see this period as
a time for selfishness, I’m choosing to see it as a time for self-discovery
through investment in friendships, family, and community. I’m very confident that
the more I give, the more I will be fulfilled.
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