How Do We Let Go?

Nearly every time I find myself in a challenging position or a troubled state-of-mind my friends and mentors have advised me to "let it go." They've said, in various ways, "Give these troubles to God." It sounds fantastic! Give up all my doubts, pains, anxieties, and troubles to an all-knowing Savior? I have absolutely no problem with that plan of action.

But... how do I do it?

I've never been given direction on how to "let Jesus take the wheel," or "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." (1 Peter 5:7)I could pray, but what on earth would I say? Even if I do find the words to say, can I even mean them? I could discipline myself to read my Bible every day, but it doesn't make my worries go away. In times of great trouble, I've been able to pray whole-heartedly and fully consume myself in the desire to let God rule my life. I've cried out to him, quite literally, and asked Him to fill me with strength to persevere and tenderness to love. In those desperate times, the Lord has never failed me; I found it in myself to genuinely let go. However, most days of the week I'm not struggling with an emotional crisis where I have nothing else to turn to. I'm focused on my classes, my job, my activities, my friends, and all of the decisions I have to make. For example, this week I was anxious and stressed out over deadlines at work, putting together fundraising plans for a service trip, having time to exercise, my acceptance/denial to a study abroad program, a confusing relationship with a guy, broken relationships in my family, and friendships that aren't as strong as I want them to be. 
That's a lot of junk weighing heavy on my mind and my heart. Even though most of those things are good, feeling responsible for all of them at once isn't easy. In fact, worrying about them all completely inhibits me from being the person I want to be. I'd like to meet people around me with joy, enthusiasm, patience, and love. Sadly, when I'm overwhelmed and feeling hopeless about tough situations I face myself and those around with me with negativity. I spend my days just trying to get by, hoping desperately for a spare moment to rest and find a bit of peace. I find myself thinking that once I accomplish something, get through a class, survive Monday, etc. that I will be free to be happy. Instead, once I get through those things all I feel free to do is find my pillow. I want to feel invigorated and excited about life every single day; I want to be grateful for the amazing opportunities I have to connect with others and learn new things. I don't want to look back at my college career, or my life, and think, "I should've been happier. I should've let go of stress and focused on what's important."
Each day, I try to meditate on letting go and being obedient to God for 30 minutes or so.
To me, this feels like draining my mind and my heart of all the things that weigh me down, and filling myself up completely with faith. Even when some of the things that I drain are wonderful, amazing things, it’s so much better to be filled with Christ. It takes life-long practice to be able to fully let go, but it's always rewarding every time I try. 

Letting go of anxieties is a daily practice, and learning to give your life to God is a journey. Thankfully, I found a solid starting point that is doing amazing things for me! 

I find a quiet place, settle in, and let my mind run free for a few minutes. I think about the things most important in my life, and the things I put my effort and motivation towards. Today, I spent a while thinking about my friendships and relationships that I'm trying to improve. Then, I imagine myself without any of those things, and only with God. I picture myself in a world without any of the people I value, or any of the goals I wish to achieve. I admit that my agenda is worthless. This is not an easy task, because I don’t have to admit it to God, I have to admit it to myself. And what’s harder, I have to really believe it’s true. I have to let go of any responsibility or control over my life. This means considering everything in my world that’s most important to me: family, friends, passions, talents, dreams, abilities… and being willing to forget it. I tell myself over and over to relinquish control over those things, and let them slip out of reach. Once I've done my best to surrender, I focus all my attention on just existing with God. My only obligation is to be with God. Instead of desperation and sadness over the things I surrendered, I’m filled with peace. It’s no longer my job to achieve anything, or please anyone. It’s my job only to submerse myself in the character of God. 

In order to be disciples of Christ, we have to love Him more than anything or anyone. 

(Luke 14:25-27)

The practice I’ve begun helps me to re-center myself on that truth each and every day. I hope it might lend you some guidance in your own journey!

But What Will You Do When You Graduate?

As a double-major in Peace Studies and Theology at a small liberal arts college in central Minnesota, I am frequently met with disbelief and concern when I discuss my college education with adults. First of all, very few people understand what Peace Studies means, and they choose to write it off as an illegitimate ‘hippie’ major rather than ask why I chose it. When I add theology to the mix, I’m seen as a naïve idealist who is wasting college chasing world peace and a God that will never been scientifically proven. I’d argue that I’m not as naïve as you, or anyone else, might believe. However, the rest of that statement is fairly accurate!

The truth is, education is not a means to obtaining a career.

A career is not a means to making money.

Money is not a means to reach happiness.

When educators, parents, or students view any level of education merely as the avenue to get a job, they contribute to the epidemic of meaninglessness in America. 

I chose to come to college to discover who I am, and how I can live a fulfilling, purposeful life. I invest my heart and soul into my studies so that I can find a way to contribute positively to humanity, because I feel connected and morally responsible for its future. I’m studying Peace Studies so that I will be educated in a variety of disciplines and use that systematic knowledge to prevent unnecessary suffering and harm in both domestic, and international realms. I chose an education in Theology so that I can learn to think critically about the ‘truths’ I’ve been taught to accept and communicate effectively with people of diverse faiths to better understand and value their beliefs. Do I know how many figures will appear on my first paycheck after graduation? Absolutely not. But frankly, I don’t care. I’m already developing a strong understanding of who I am and how I can contribute positively to a community, and that is much more comforting to me than job security.

What breaks my heart is the fact that millions of people in this world, both young and old, see education as a way out. Whether it be a way out of poverty, detrimental family cycles, oppression, or hopelessness, it’s something they’d give anything for; and I see students at my school every day who aren’t invested in learning, so they waste the amazing opportunity of college.

I will continue to be judged for my educational choices, but I will remain confident in the fact that I’m filling my life with purpose and meaning and nothing is more important.

Chaotic & Imperfect Truth

It’s absolutely astonishing how life can shock us even when we’ve come to believe it’s anything but refreshing… God continues to place things in front of my eyes and deep within my heart that I could never have predicted or desired for myself. I’ve grown an immense amount this past semester, and the changes I’ve seen in myself in the past year defy even my own understanding.

I’m finding the courage to dig deeper and deeper within myself; to uncover the reality behind my everyday life. I have hidden so much pain and so many emotions, and they’ve aged with me because I refused to set them free. However, those emotions are instrumental in who I am, and for that I am very grateful. I find a dirtiness in my bones; an impurity that both suffocates my heart and brings beauty to my world. I feel the weight of the pain I’ve inflicted, the ignorance, and the carelessness that comes with my humanity. I’m forever broken and shattered by my own forces. Still, those deep gashes in my heart and fissures in my soul are redeemed and made to bring forth beauty. 

The beauty that shocks us to stillness and steals our very breath is beauty that is ridden with imperfection, but still manages to radiate with vivid and magnificent force.

Once I tapped into the truth of that beauty I couldn’t get enough. I began to be honest with myself and share that with those around me. The effects were staggering; my own vulnerability and pain sparked so much love and connection with the people around me. Still, it’s a risky business sharing the deep parts of yourself with anyone because they might not be a lasting presence in your life. When I poured my heart out to someone who walked away weeks later, I felt betrayed and disgusting. But in his absence I connected with a number of amazing new people. Love poured into my life from so many unexpected places when I felt alone, and I’m intensely grateful for that. Things didn't happen the way I wanted them to, or expected them to, but I can find myself developing patience, because I know every season of life has purpose, especially seasons of waiting.

This journey is beautiful and chaotic; it gets messy and uncomfortable, but there’s so much beauty in every step. Our lives are both precarious and unpredictable, so it’s hard to make plans that anyone can count on. Still, we won't ever lose the honest, emotional moments that we share with people who matter.  The tenderness we share with others is comforting and real; even when people we can't imagine life without are taken from us, or walk away willingly that tenderness is never wasted.

God Doesn't Have a Plan

Jeremiah 29:11

“’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”

In times of suffering where I’ve felt lost, alone, and broken, friends of mine have tried to comfort me with the words “God has a plan, Shannon.” “God wouldn’t give you anything you can’t handle.” “Everything happens for a reason.”

To be quite honest, those words have only ever left me more frustrated and lost. I never knew what it was about those commonly used phrases that left me so empty; but I was certain they hadn’t provided me with any new source of light.

What I’ve since discovered is this: God doesn’t have a plan.

God doesn’t sit in heaven and reach down his almighty hand to place things in our lives like people, events, blessings, or misfortunes. That is a common misunderstanding that results from a gross oversimplification of our Lord. When we proclaim that God is responsible for each and every event in our lives we forget something very important: if God has given you your blessings, that means he’s also given misfortune to the oppressed. When you thank God for giving you a home, the homeless nearby grow angry with the God who hasn’t given them shelter. When I’ve suffered abuse and those around me have said, “God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle,” and “God has a plan,” I’ve been infuriated with the malicious God who not only allowed me to suffer unjustly, but planned for that to happen. When we use this kind of theology we will never have a satisfying explanation for the suffering in the world.

God doesn’t have a plan, he has plans in which we are active participants. We’ve been given free will, and this means that we choose our paths in life. God walks alongside us as a companion, he doesn’t distantly direct our lives like a drill sergeant. We are subject to the influences, both good and bad, of those around us. God doesn’t control the actions of any human because we’ve been given free will. But he does walk alongside us when we suffer and when we prosper. Regardless of the circumstance and situation, God has new grace and mercy for us each day; those are his plans. No decision we make, or situation we face will ever change the unconditional love that we receive each and every day. God enables us to see the beauty in dark situations, and overcome adversity with great strength. God gives us the patience, love, and compassion that we couldn’t muster on our own. He’s there with us each and every day and is responsible for showing us the beauty of this life, but he does not direct every moment of it. In order for us to receive blessings, we have to turn to God and walk with him. The blessings of that relationship are always available, but often we choose to walk away and face misery.

I find this so much more comforting than believing God has one plan for my life. This means I can live my life with God, not for God. This means when I face an impossible choice, I can know that joy will await me either way as long as I continue the journey with God. This means that the suffering I’ve faced isn’t a punishment from God, it’s a result of sin and Satan. This means God will forever be at my side waiting for me to seek comfort and joy in Him, and with that knowledge I can persevere.